People normally do a pretty good job promoting healthy emotions in others by appreciating them, building them up, and valuing their help. But have you ever thought that your opportunity to strengthen someone’s mental well-being might be your last chance ever for that person? This happened to me when I went to visit a seriously ill friend of mine in a long term health care facility.
I walked quietly down the hall that smelled of antiseptic mixed with a medicinal smell. The floors shone as if having been scrubbed with a toothbrush. Amidst all the cleanliness was the dirty truth of bodies breaking down behind each closed door. I put on the protective wear that the nurse instructed me to wear and stuck my purse in the locker outside my friend’s room door.
And then I cautiously entered the isolation room.
It was awkward to see my friend ensconced in the bed with the breathing machine working for her and other tubes everywhere. She was unable to talk, but had her eyes opened and seemed to be pleased that I had come.
I proceeded to carry on a one-way conversation with her. I told her what my family was up to before I began reminiscing about our times together and how much she had blessed me. Then I continued on with how she had blessed her grandchildren in different ways that I knew about. I read some scripture to her and tried to encourage her faith in God who she was going to meet face to face very soon.
It was getting harder and harder to carry on this one-sided conversation, so I mentioned to her where I was going when I left the hospital. She thought I meant I was getting ready to leave, and she shook her head back and forth firmly in a gesture of “NO, don’t go!”
My heart melted within me. All the sharing I had been doing with her had gotten through and she was eating it up. She couldn’t grab my hand, she couldn’t voice her thoughts, she had no power to communicate back with me. BUT she was still there – all my love and caring words were getting through to her loud and clear – and she didn’t want them to stop!
Three Lessons for Promoting Healthy Emotions
First of all, be proactive to share your love and appreciation to people because you never know when you won’t get another chance.
Secondly, take time to visit or call those who are sick, in the hospital, or in a nursing home. We get so caught up in our own lives that we have to prioritize touching the hearts of those who can’t get out so easily. After all, one day, it will be us!
Finally, don’t ever think that just because someone can’t talk, they also can’t hear or are stupid. Everyone has a mind with things going on in it all the time – however immature those thoughts might be. Treat them as someone made in God’s image with feelings.
Love is a universal language and words have a great impact.
A Practical Idea for Promoting Healthy Emotions
A helpful exercise is to imagine what that person might say if they could talk. For example, the man in the wheelchair might say “I hope she will come over and speak to me.”
My friend died about a week after I visited her. I’m glad I went to visit when I did because I won’t get another chance . I hope that my words to her gave a boost to her feeling of being loved and cherished even while her body was failing.
What has been your experience with reaching out to someone who needs a caring friend?
I love this post. Since I see this situation every day it is in the forefront of my mind more than others. But it is still easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and activities. I have always wondered what my life will be like in the end, and I really hope no one leaves me to die a long lonely death just because I can’t respond to them. Thank you for having such a loving giving heart Aunt Amy!
Thanks, Ashley. I bet you do see a lot of sad things where you work! May God use your tender heart to inspire others to keep communicating with their loved ones who can’t answer them. You’re the best! Aunt Amy
I’ve been to your mom’s house a handful of times (wonderful woman who has a very special place in our hearts). Each one of them, I have spent a couple of minutes looking at this picture. Just imagining the joy you both had to see each other again. The image says more than a thousand words. I have a 6 year old daughter, and when looking at the picture I pray that if she ever goes away, we’ll feel the same joy of being reunited.
Hi Lina, Are you Marilyn’s daughter in law? If so, we visited your husband’s family when he was a child in Spain! How cool is that? So glad you have used this photo to bless you. Yes, my mom is so very wonderful. As we were driving to my mom’s home, I was pounding on the car door – I was so excited to see her! My brother snapped this photo. Thanks so much for commenting. Blessings, Amy
Beautiful story Amy, you brought tears to my eyes. So pleased you found the time to go and see her and talk to her so much. I believe that unconscious people can also hear us speak!
Julieanne, I believe that too! And I believe that babies can understand tones even though they can’t understand words – all kinds of lessons for us to learn! Thanks for commenting. Blessings, Amy
Great post and poignant story. It is really in those seemingly fleeting moments when the essence of who we are come to the forefront. That you took the time and energy to share with your friend even though you didnt know she could hear you, was exemplary.
Life is filled up with change. Dying is one of the biggest changes of all. It represents change for the person and all the people connected to them.
Having a healthy connecting with the inevitability of change is vital.
Thank you for sharing this private moment with us. Very valuable lesson here.
This is not only a very powerful story but great practical tips on holding a one-sided conversation (which is really difficult to do). When I was 11-12 years old I used to visit my grandma at a nursing home. Once she was no longer lucid, I never knew what to do or say until one day I sat down and began reading her Bible to her. I don’t know if she heard but it brought me great comfort, and I felt like it made a difference. Thank you for reminding me of these precious moments with her!
What a blessing you are, Amy!!
Peace, Jody
What a great choice you made with your grandmother, Jody, even at such a young age. I’m so happy that you thought to read the Bible to her. Great idea. Blessings.
Amy,
So sorry for your loss. Your story reminded me so much of the last time I went to visit my dad, but I didn’t realize it was the last time, as he died unexpectedly. Yeah, we to need remember those who are ill and not able to get around anymore. You are so right, we never know when it is our last opportunity to make them feel loved.
Amy, I’m so sorry about your friend. What a blessing to her and for you that you were able to visit and encourage her one last time! Thanks so much for sharing how important it is to encourage each other. Truly we don’t know if we will get another chance. Only God knows the number of our days. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at the #LMMLinkup. Gayl recently posted…Winter Days are Sometimes Spring-Like
26 comments on “Promoting Healthy Emotions – Last Chance Advice”